No One is Perfect

I often forget that things cannot be as "perfect" as you want them to be, something which causes a lot of stress if I let it.  Today, after finding my son building a fort with the blocking mat pieces I brought home from the shop, in a moment of weakness, I pulled myself into my bedroom and cried for 5 minutes.  

When my husband noticed I had disappeared, he asked, "What's going on?"  I explained that I didn't want cat hair all over blocking mats, which led to him saying that the cats had already had a field day rubbing their faces all over them.  As he talked, I realized, that wasn't the only thing that was bothering me.  So, of course, tears welled up in my eyes again.

"Ok, now what?" my husband asks.  

"That's not the only thing bothering me," I say.  

"What else is it?"  To which I respond with the next thing that happens across my brain - I am a bit overwhelmed with Vincent being so ornery lately.  And Mr. Fix-It responds with, "Well, I gave you a list of day cares and pre-schools, why don't you call and set something up for Vincent?"

I shook my head, knowing that tomorrow I'll feel differently, because I just cannot seem to give up my little peanut.  And then, another wave of tears hits me.  "Did you just save a pile of issues to deal with?" my husband asks.  I shook my head.

"Next thing?"  

"Nothing," I say.  "Same s**t, different day."

"You want another baby, don't you?"  and I sheepishly shook my head.  He smiled, rubbed my back, and made a promise to me - it won't happen right now, but, he'd agree that another one can come along.  Something we haven't been able to agree on for a LONG time.

The moral of the story is...no one is perfect.  

In spite of my fear of losing another battle with anxiety, the anxiety still gets the best of me from time to time.  Right now, I choose to think of it as: I've been working very hard for the past several months, all hoping to find that perfect, happy place.  

Perhaps it's not perfection that I seek, not happiness, but satisfaction.  Satisfaction that my time has been well-spent.  That my son is comfortable and content (he'd be happy living in a cardboard box, as long as it was warm and had mommy and daddy by his side...let's face it, kids are pretty easily amused at age 3).  That my shop continues to grow.

What have I done so far this year:

• Helped proof a pattern book
• Released a 2-pattern e-book
• Gone on vacation
• Knit 5 projects from beginning to end
• Finished another project in hibernation
• Worked on a few designs
• Hosted my best friend's bridal shower
• Was Maid of Honor in my best friend's wedding

And the usual day to day stuff...I'm exhausted just thinking about it.  Oh well, at least everyone had a good time and things turned out great!  

Yes, I'm more than happy to add a newborn into the mix if and when the time comes, but for now, I'm working on being content with my work and staying healthy for all the things I have in front of me.  I'll even continue to shower Peanut with hugs and kisses every day while we enjoy our daily dance party in the shop (it's a great way to start the day or break up the monotony of a slow day).  :)

Still Here!

Sock Madness Round 2 - Submitted last night

After a week of knitting and planning to exhaustion, I'm happy to sit at my computer to take a break.  I found out this morning that I've made it on to Round 3 of Sock Madness!  After completing the first sock using US 0 sized dpns, I nearly kicked myself because I'd forgotten that gauges change with cables.  My right sock ended up way too small around my ankles, but fortunately was long enough for me to continue without frogging the sock.  I plunged forward using US 2 dpns and ended up with a sock that didn't cut off my circulation a day and half later.

My first "official" pattern - Garter Stripes Cardigan
for 0 to 24 months

This particular round was interesting, as it featured an afterthought heel which I'd heard of, but never tried before.  I used to be one of those who, after reading the specs of a pattern, would not attempt a pattern if it featured a technique I didn't know.  After this past year of picking up skills left and right, I've changed that behavior.  I guess I've found that it was much easier to learn something new than it was to find a pattern with techniques I'd already mastered.  Not to mention that it makes me feel better if I make a mistake because, hey, I'm learning.

My favorite design - Falling Leaves Jumper

I'm also in the midst of putting together crafts and yarn for a few craft/vendor fairs.  One has already passed and a HUGE one is coming up on April 24 at Potowatomi Casino in Milwaukee.  I'm very excited about this one, as I'll be setting up an area almost like a booth at a yarn trade show in hopes of raising some additional capital for the shop.  After the first show, I did figure out the yarn capacity of my car and got some very funny looks while travelling.  


And as if I didn't have enough to do, I've been convinced by my mother to write a book of patterns for baby clothes.  To raise money for that venture I started a Kickstarter campaign, so if you like my designs, please contribute to the cause (and there are some great rewards out there too).  I've got quite a few sketches ready and some other ideas that need to make it onto paper, but funding is mainly to get materials for testing patterns, making swatches, paying a photographer, etc.  I have also made plans to attend the publishing workshop at Stitches Midwest in August.  I will be booking the class soon, just have to price hotel stays etc.  Wish me luck!

My son, Peanut, modeling a few of my impromptu
child hat designs.  Above - Groundhog ; Below - Packers/Sport Beanie

I Love What I Do!

This evening while eating dinner in our office, I turned and looked at my husband and said, "This is really gonna happen..."  We were eating at the table I purchased for classes in the shop and it just hit me that starting a yarn shop was no longer a dream, it's a reality!  I have all of the larger "fixtures" for the store, and the rest will all be incidentals.  Of course, there's all that fun business stuff that needs to be taken care of before we open, but that's just a matter of time (and paperwork).

My goal is to get a lot of things second hand or "found" in nature.  I've come across things like hat boxes, interesting dress forms, some cool artwork, or even pieces that speak to me.  I a battered suitcase for decoration, a metal milk jug, and plenty of baskets.  My mother is also giving me a lot of her old baskets that she used to make when I was younger!

In the mean time, I've been knitting like crazy for both Sock Madness and what is to be the first knit along.  Round 1 for sock madness started out with a pair of socks that require a set of dice to choose at random whether or not you will C2F every 4th row.  The result is a pair of "mismatched" socks with cables randomly happening along the instep and leg.  I took (bad) progress pictures along the way and to submit at the end of the round.

I dyed the sock yarn with
Black Cherry Kool-Aid!

At the end of each day of frantic sock knitting, I'd spend my evenings "resting" by starting the All the Stops dress, a great pattern in Juniper Moon Farm's Findley Dappled booklet.  I'll be able to post a few pictures in a few days, as we've got terrible lighting in the house and pictures are not turning out quite right.  I want to be able to do this yarn justice because the variegated Findley Dappled is breathtaking, no matter what colorway you're using!  It feels like pure silk as I knit (it should, it's 50% silk and 50% merino wool).

Peanut, my son, checks out the shelves I plan
to use for Juniper Moon Farm yarns.  :)

It was first hard to imagine how this dress was going to turn out, but it became apparent quickly that the two stitches surrounded by stitch markers are where the shoulder seam is to be.  From there, you work your way down in three sections - left front, back, and right front.  I am now to where dart decreases are made.  I've sewn darts before, but have never knit darts, an interesting concept, but they serve the same purpose - to tailor the bust line. So far, it appears that I may be the only one who's documented doing this pattern (other than the tester), so I hope someone joins me in this project soon.  My dress, once complete, will be displayed in the shop and I'll also be wearing it on a cruise in January 2013, assuming I don't gain a massive amount of weight before then.

 Last, but not least, I got permission to share an appreciation photo from the layette set I designed and made for my hubby's boss.  I know I posted it on Facebook, but here's the little boy wearing the hat and socks from the set.  I was also told that they're giving me a copy of him in the whole outfit once they get the pictures from the hospital photographer.

Don't forget: Noro Ayatori yarns are here in 6 great colors!  It's DK, 60% wool, 40% silk and absolutely wonderful. I almost felt like it was my birthday 3 months early when I got the big package on Friday.  It ships same day and you won't want to put this yarn down.