Spiders. Flying. Toilets. You name it. No matter how bizarre, I was probably afraid of it. It was a terrible way of going through life, and it hit a boiling point right around my sophomore year of college - on September 11, 2001. When so many people were experiencing loss and the trauma of the images they'd seen on tv, I feared random acts to the point, I was afraid to leave my home (a tiny little private dormitory). And in fact, I didn't...for an entire month. Somehow, I had been scared from generalized anxiety to PTSD. After years of doctors and many therapy sessions, being told to relax did not help.
And then one day, I stumbled across my mother's stash of yarn. I picked out this fuzzy black yarn. I hadn't done any knitting in a couple of years, so I fumbled over a cast on and knit myself a scarf in one sitting. The world had melted away and nothing else mattered.
Fast forward another few years and countless projects later. I finally figured out why knitting commands so much from me. It changed my life. When I couldn't meditate on my own, repeating k2 p2 in my head as I finished each row of a ribbing, I was, in a sense, meditating. If I focused enough, I could lose myself in the fiber. So, no matter how many battles I had to fight with horrible bosses, unruly patients, or my husband, I could calm myself with knitting.
I'm proud to say that eleven years after that turning point, my panic attacks are few and far between, PTSD is a thing of the past, and I'm starting to claw my way in to the fiber arts industry. Standing in the shadows is not an option for me anymore.
I have been groomed for greatness my whole life, it's about time I finally got there. Even if it's only in my own eyes. Starting this business will hopefully only be the beginning. What has knitting done for you?
You can do this! Knitting has helped me through so much stress. I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety. So many things have gone wrong for me, but knitting has always been there. Any time I feel stressed, I knit. Knit stitch after knit stitch, garter is almost like meditation for me!
ReplyDelete*hugs* I love this so much!
ReplyDeleteKnitting has given me something to do to be productive, as my world (like so many) is very abstract. I work on computers all day, most of my food comes from the supermarket, etc.